Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
