I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
