JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
