I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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