I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
