I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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