the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
