Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
