Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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