hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
