i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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