Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
