so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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