3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
