I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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