who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
