They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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