I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
