dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
