I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Barsexuality is the new black.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
