You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
