I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
