Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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