I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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