I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
