Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
