Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize