I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
