We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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