I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize