my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My balls are so social today.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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