I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
