Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize