That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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