that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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