I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
