O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
