apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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