This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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