addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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