so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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