I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
