Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
