i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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