How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
