actually, I'm a sock model
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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