2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
