yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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