there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it glows. i had to have it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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