there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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