and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
nutella sex= disaster
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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