remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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