i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
