Pappa wants mamma naked
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize