My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize