he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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