even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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