Michael Bay diarrhea
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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