Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Green mimosas i think yes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
