I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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