We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
