literally had 100 drinks last night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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