remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
