Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
