I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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