found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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