i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
