I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
