just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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