he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We got so high we made milksteak
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
