Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
