i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
