What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
