Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize