i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
