OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
