kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
