You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
