who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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