awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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