Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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