I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
