my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
