I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize