sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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