is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
