Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
