Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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