The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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