she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
