someone owes me an orgasm
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
