I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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