I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize