She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
