It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
