Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
