Can i not drive my cunt home
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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